When a discussion of anger comes up, one thought jumps into my head. It’s the word “pride”. When Bill talks about this in the 12&12, he points out that it is no surprise that pride heads the list of what are called the seven deadly sins or our defects.
Just thinking about that word reminds me of so much malignant stuff in my life. Someone says something negative about me and it hurts my pride. And, of course, the result is that I think I’m justified in my anger, or better yet, my rage.
The truth be known, it’s really self pity. I’m hurt and feel sorry for myself, so I’ll think of some way to punish the “culprit”. How dare they? Just another proof of how right my sponsor was, when he described me and other alcoholics, as insecure, immature, and oversensitive.
I irrationally begin with anger and go all the way. Why not develop a full blown resentment? Talk about self pity. That’s the ultimate dose of it. Lying awake nights fussing and fuming over some person or some situation over which I have no power.
The BB warns us about our anger and our resentments. I know from my own experience at watching others, who went back out and drank over such resentments. And some of them died awful deaths as a result. I’ve seen that first hand and have talked to others at length about this hazard.
The answer of course to all of this is spiritual. It begins with me seeking some degree of humility. Not easy that’s for sure. But without trying and attempting to deflate my over sized ego, I’m bound to stumble and fall into that trap that my pride can set up for me. The 7th Step in the 12&12 goes to great lengths to talk about humility and its value for someone like me.
Of course there is help all around me. All I have to do is to reach out to someone with good sobriety and share my problems with them. If nothing else, a problem shared is a problem cut in half. It cuts it down to a more manageable size. But it also provides me with the opportunity to listen to someone else’s experience, strength, and hope. Just doing that is a step in the right direction.
And I can’t forget my Higher Power. The 11th Step. Prayer and meditation. After all the foundation of my sobriety is spiritual. I need to learn how to turn all of this stuff I suffer from over to my Higher Power and trust that He will help me as no one can. After all, it’s all about sobriety.