Among other things, we talked about the 6th Step today. Character defects again. Added to that was the willingness to go to any lengths.
As a result of working these Steps, I did arrive at that point where I did have a spiritual awakening. I was restored to sanity. I stopped fighting everyone and everything and was placed in a position of neutrality, as far as alcohol was concerned. What a wonderful gift for a chronic alcoholic like me. A new freedom and a new happiness for sure.
Part of that had to do with couple of my character defects; anger and resentment. I was doing a 9th Step, when it happened. I just finished an amend to a man against whom I had anger and a resentment. At that moment all my resentments vanished and the spiritual awakening happened. One of many, as I was to discover over time.
But the defects I have discovered, are still with me. I also found out that, as a result in my change in character from the Steps, they’re not as intense or out of control, as they were before I came here. Nevertheless, they’re still here with me a day at a time.
That’s where the thought of the willingness to go to any lengths comes in. Am I willing and just how willing am I to pay attention to and deal with these defects, as best as I can. And the truth is that I’m still imperfect and some of these are going to give me a hard time. Especially my anger and resentments. Oh, yeah, they will give me problems from time to time. Especially, when I’m not paying attention.
I was listening to a man today, who had time in and then went out and is now back. And what took him back to a drink? You guessed it; resentments. Just like the BB said. How many times I’ve heard that before. That’s what gets my attention and I need to keep it in focus.
Everyday I awake is a new day. And every new day, the resentments are sitting there waiting to come out and dominate. I know that before I begin. That’s where I need to try to become entirely ready to deal with them one more time. To ask my Higher Power to help me and then become willing to do His will for me. Especially to try to achieve some degree of humility, just like Bill W. said in the 7th Step in the 12&12.
I’m always reminded of the words, This is the Step that separates the men from the boys. I’m not sure if I fit into that picture of one of the boys.
Depends on the day.
All I know is that I want to stay sober and am willing to try to go to any lengths to do that. I never want to drink again and I know from experience this program works…if I will work it.