Faith, hope, and hanging in there

A friend and I were talking today about a Higher Power and faith. For me faith was the result of hope.

When I came here, I wasn’t sure about anything, including a concept of a Higher Power. But one thing that stood out to me and still does, was that first meeting I attended. And that’s where hope began. I got hope that maybe I could get sober and stay sober.

As time went on and I became more active in the program and began the Steps, that hope increased and then something happened. I began to experience some of the things I had hoped for. The program was working and the people in it seemed to more and more get me involved. The fact that they understood someone like me amazed me. I had never met people who understood me before. And I began to understand them.

When I began to experience hopes being fulfilled, I think that’s when my faith began to build in me. And, as hopes became faith, I began to care about others like I had never ever before.

Years ago, near the beginning of my time in here, I heard someone once say that first comes perseverance, then hope, then faith, then love. In that order. And, as each in that line begins to be fulfilled, it is important that we continue to practice all of them. Stop one and all begin to crumble.

All this was much of what my sponsor suggested I do. The first was what we all must do. Persevere no matter what. To hang in there and not quit. Never give up and keep on trying. That’s especially true, when I find out that I’m not doing things perfectly. I often miss the mark. But even so, I must keep on going, because none of us will ever do anything perfectly. Not even the Steps, except, as Bill W. points out, that the 1st Step is the only one we can do perfectly.

And that’s exactly what happened in the beginning and is still happening. Persevering and then hopes being fulfilled, followed by faith.

When I was asked about this today, that was pretty much what I said. I have no argument with faith. Now it just is. But I think faith can be intense and then dim from time to time. Especially, when we are worried or under heavy anxiety. The return to character defects. Overwhelmed with emotions. And that’s when, in spite of everything, I must continue to persevere. Not give up during these dry spells. Experience has shown me that sooner or later the sunlight will return. All I have to do is to continue hoping. Never give up hope.

And that’s another thing. I know today that I believe. Stuff has happened in my sober life, which I cannot explain. Often, when I tell my story or share with someone and I say something like, I don’t know where that came from, they always point out the truth. It wasn’t from me.

Like that time I was new and talking in a meeting and that old timer challenged me and told me to shut up. That I hadn’t worked the Steps and didn’t know how to stay sober and I needed to listen and learn from others. When he said that, especially in front of all those people, I became angry. But then this thought came into my head: Be quiet. This is good for you. And suddenly I was at peace with myself. When I shared that today with a relatively new young man today, he said that it didn’t come from me. And I knew as well as he did that it was my Higher Power, who, at the time, I had yet to meet.

It’s these spiritual awakenings we all go through. I know that today. But just the fact that they are there, the fulfillment of hope, faith follows. It’s not that I recognize these things immediately. Often it’s after some time. Probably when I’m sharing something with someone and there it is. Sometimes someone will point it out to me or reinforce what I might have questioned.

And all of this is just my way of saying, I guess, that I’m sober today because of this spiritual way of life I have found in this program. Doesn’t mean I look upon myself as a “spiritual person”. I don’t. I never do. But I do think I’m somewhat in touch with this spiritual way of life. At least I’m sober today and I know that’s based on the maintenance of my spiritual condition. I’m not always sure about that, but it is what it is.