Had to stop and think about what it is that stresses the need for humility and how often that is difficult to obtain for an alcoholic like myself. I know that when I came in the first step to humility was that First Step. The need to surrender and accept my being powerless and having an unmanageable life.
Of course the next step was the Second Step. Again a surrender. A deflation of my ego. Accepting my being powerless. Lack of power and the need to get a power greater than myself in my life to empower me to live a spiritual way of life. Together with the Third Step to step to the back of the bus and let my Higher Power drive the bus and me to shut up and just sit and watch the scenery go by.
Thanks to my sponsor and all those old timers, who helped me to reduce the size of my egocentric personality. They did that by showing me that I didn’t know that I didn’t know. I didn’t know anything about getting sober and what I had to do. I only thought I did. They showed me that big time. As rough as they could be, I am always grateful. They were willing and able to tell me the truth about myself. They’d pop my balloon in a second and let the air out.
The spiritual life helped a lot in this deflation, as I began to pray and ask for help, when I ran into problems I was powerless over. The hope, the faith, the trust I began to develop helped me to back off and let the God of my understanding take over and guide me through both the rough and smooth times in here. And that was pretty much accomplished through these Steps.
But, as others said today, especially when I talked to them afterward, how they, like myself, seem to run into difficulties, when trying to be humble. Seems the more time the more tough that is to do. Probably because of forgetfulness. Not that I or others totally have a memory loss but just carelessness, I think. I say I think, because the truth is that I really don’t know.
But then I come to meetings and I’m often forced to practice some humility. To once more deflate my ego. I look up on the wall and see the 12 Traditions. From the First Tradition about AA unity, which requires all of us to put our agendas aside for the good of the whole, to the Twelfth and the spirituality to be found in anonymity. Humility is a key to all of this. The “we” of the program and not the “me”.
And, of course, it all goes back to the beginning of the day for me and prayer. Hopefully some kind of meditation. Some thoughts about what I’m doing at the moment, introducing my Higher Power into the moment. Being willing to turn my life and my will over once more.
Just thinking about humility and the role it plays in my sobriety. After all I didn’t get here by myself and I don’t stay here by myself. I need help from my Higher Power and the people in this program. As one of our dear members always says, “I can’t stay sober by myself”. Amen to that.
And that is definitely the very picture of humility.