Today at the meeting a woman asked what we did daily to stay sober. Somehow a word popped into my head. The word was willingness.
How much trouble that word has been for me, and at the same time how many times it has made my day. The trouble comes, when I’m not willing. The opposite happens, when I am.
How often I have to pray for the willingness to be willing. Like the woman, who wrote Freedom From Bondage, said, when I do that, it always comes. The willingness.
Willingness to work the Steps. Willingness to practice these principles in all of my affairs. Willingness to show another alcoholic how this program works. Willingness to pray and meditate. Willingness to show up at meetings. Willingness not to take that next drink. Willingness to stay sober and live a sober life.
All these things aren’t always easy to do. Sometimes I feel the urge not to do what I need to do. I remember how many times I didn’t want to go on a 12th Step call. I wasn’t willing. Others would get me to go and by the time I got there, I was once again willing.
What often turns this around for me is the memory of why I came here in the first place. My bottom. When I remember that, all the unwillingness slides away. I never want to go there again.
I have to remember that I’m human and an alcoholic. Of course I’m going to make mistakes. But, if I can remember what one spiritual writer said, that feelings have nothing do with it. Just do it. That gets me off the dime and back into action. I know then I can be willing, even though I might not feel like it.
Just thinking about the word “willing”.