I was thinking today that, no matter how long I have been sober, I still forget and need reminding of what it is I need to do to stay sober. Not just sober from taking a drink, but how to live sober and think sober.
I had to be reminded yesterday what it is I need to do in my life. A close friend of mine told me to first calm the disturbance. Boy, did I need to hear that. The next thing she told me was to be quiet and not take any action. Just to leave things alone and trust in God for an answer. I needed to hear that. I had forgotten.
I had found myself in the middle of confusion and close to anger and resentment. It came from outside of me, but I found myself disturbed big time. I needed someone else to intervene and get me back to the basics. It was suddenly like I had just came through the doors of this program for the first time. Like I was starting over from the beginning. I had to be led back to sanity.
I had been caught off guard. Lack of awareness, the very key to this spiritual life, was what was wrong with me. Self centered fear and pride rushed in before I knew it. I had made an error in judgement and had let my guard down and my emotions took over. My major character defects were back in force.
Fortunately for me, I knew that isolation was extremely dangerous and I made two contacts with sober people. Friends of mine, who stepped up to the plate and got me back on track. I was so grateful that others were there. It was proof once again of just how unmanageable my life was. I’m not cured. The lesson was clear. What I can’t do alone, we can do together.
I was sitting here today, after the meeting, thinking of how my higher power works in my life. It is the solution. Through others my higher power, the God of my understanding (or, as friend says, my misunderstanding) came through and answered my prayers. The result is another day sober in spite of myself. For that, I am truly grateful.