Talking to a friend of mine today, who has about the same amount of sobriety, he said something, which made me stop and think. He said that we have to do the “housecleaning” Steps, 4 through 9, or risk drinking again.
That statement made me go back through the years in my memory, when I met an old timer, who knew Dr. Bob and his wife Anne. He had come into the program in ’45. I remember the day he pulled me aside and talked to me about those very steps. I had done 4 and 5, some of 6 and 7, and was stalled on 8 and 9.
I didn’t see this man for over a year, but ran into him again at an AA meeting then. He spotted me from way down a hall and yelled to me: “Did you do those steps?” I was surprised that he knew who I was. Of course I hadn’t. He again pulled me aside and talked with me for about an hour. After that I did what he had “suggested”. I have been beholden to him since that last talk.
I never saw him again, but will always remember his help. After hearing what my friend said today, I was glad I had met him. He had the same thing in mind, when he talked to me back then. He quite possibly saved my life. I should say, he and my sponsor and so many old timers I knew back a ways. They all had their part in moving me forward on this path to sobriety.
When I thought about it today, I realized how it was following the suggestions to working those steps, which brought about the change in me. The change from the man who came through those doors, the same man, who would drink again, to the man who has been restored to sanity. A sober man. That psychic change Dr. Silkworth talked about. The spiritual awakening, which is the goal of these 12 Steps.
As I sit here today, I was thinking how grateful I have to be for all those men I was in contact with in the past. They were constantly opening the doors for me with their directions and suggestions. They showed me the way to a sober life. At the same time they were able to cut me down to my proper size and give me a taste of something I desperately needed; humility. At least so that I could have some grasp of what that was.
I guess they were my higher power back then. It was through their efforts and their example I was able to find a God of my understanding.