There is nothing more destructive in the sober alcoholics life than fear. That’s my take anyway. Usually fear based on my past experiences and projected into the future.
Bill W. tells us that we will never quite be rid of fear. Maybe the big fears are gone, as we get more and more sober. But those niggling little fears, which can build into great ones over time, are always going to be around.
One of those comes from regrets of our past. Some over the things we did wrong to others. But one of the worst is our regrets over what we didn’t do and we think we should have done. Our sins of omissions. I’ve always thought that sins of omission are thieves in the night. They steal away our peace of mind and heart.
I was talking to someone today, who was suffering from the fears of the past and projecting them onto their future. Hard to deal with, especially when we have expectations in the future. Then our minds tell us that there’s a possibility that whatever we expect is going to fail and our lives are bound to repeat our past failures.
How important it is to stay in the present. To live this day right now. That I believe is the answer. What I believe my higher power wants me to do. If I’m swinging back and forth to the past to the future, not only am I missing today, I might even forget and pick up a drink again, because I’m not where I’m supposed to be. I’m somewhere else.
That’s why I need the Second Step. I’m not sane, when I’m living like that. Living in fear. I need to rely on my higher power, the group and the God of my understanding. I need to practice these principles in all of my affairs. Right now, in the present. I need to talk to others and to the God of my understanding, right now. In the present. Hard to pray in the past and hard to talk to someone in the future.
I was thinking that I need sober thinking. That can only come when I’m in today.