What did Bill mean by being off the beam, or staying on the beam? He was referring to the same thing Sandy B. said about his learning to fly. He had to learn to guide his plane, when training to fly blind. He had to depend on a radio beam to get his plane down safely.
When I’m off the beam my sobriety is in peril. Whether I’m on a dry drunk, or practicing self will run riot, or allowing my emotions to throw me off the beam, I’m not in a safe place. Sandy said that he would trust that radio beam, but he had trouble trusting his higher power. I know exactly what he was saying. I have had that same kind of problem.
My sponsor once used the analogy of a large beach towel. He said that we often begin our relationship with our higher power by tearing a small piece of that towel and handing it to the God of our understanding to see what he would do with it. Not trusting. Testing. And we often go back to that beach towel and do the same thing again and again.
I know how much we have to depend on God to see us through some of the difficult times in this program. Flying blind, trusting that we will get through whatever the problems we might face. Trusting that we will come out the other side and land safely.
One of the dangers, leading to my getting off the beam, was pointed out to me by my sponsor. Anger and resentment. Meaning that I had to trust that my higher power could do for me what I couldn’t do for myself.
What brought about this trust was the practice of the 12 Steps. They changed my attitude. My view of life and the world around me. I stopped seeing the world as two dimensional. I can almost remember the exact moment, when I began to see the world as three dimensional. The world seemed brighter with more color to it. I changed from the negative to the positive. It came as the spiritual awakening for me. I had that psychic change Dr. Silkworth talked about in the Doctor’s Opinion. But I know it was spiritual in nature.
When I was thinking about this today I was reminded how important it is to me to stay on the beam. I know I will, if I continue to practice these principles in all of my affairs. Or, at least to try. Nothing is perfect. But that’s the proof, the evidence that this program works. I’m sober I know in spite of myself. Often flying blind but still landing safely at the end of any given day.
I know one thing, which helps me to stay on the beam. It’s going to meetings and being reminded to get back on the beam.