Got a good reminder today about the 10th Step in the 12&12. The part about an emotional bender and the hangover which follows. And of course the spiritual axiom. That whenever we’re disturbed there’s something wrong with me.
I was interested in someones reaction to something, which happened to them. Their reaction in a relationship. And there it is. Our relationships. It’s really what being sober is all about. Our relationships.
I can go back in time and think about how badly all my relationships were. And now that I’m sober, how are they today? Not like they were then. For the most part there’s a whole different story going on today. I think I’m much more in emotional balance. Practicing these principles in all my affairs has changed so much in my life.
Certainly that wasn’t true from what I was hearing today. And I did need to hear that. To maintain good relationships with others takes care. It also means that I have to be aware of what’s going on within me. I have to guard against my reactions. To mind my own business and keep my mouth shut.
But, if I’m to stay sober and live sober, I have to grow up. Stop being so oversensitive. So immature and insecure. That doesn’t mean that I’m not going to have problems. I can revert back to anyone of these faults I brought in with me, when I came here. That old alcoholic is still under the surface. A wrong word, an argument, can bring this stuff back out. I can still get hurt feelings and drop back into self pity, just like a lot of us.
The reminder today was a healthy reminder to be alert. Eternal vigilance, as the BB points out, is a necessary part of any of my days.
It means maintaining a relationship with my higher power along with staying in a reasonably good relationships with my fellow alcoholics, on whom I depend for guidance and support. Then there’s remembering what I have learned in here from my sponsor and others about learning to manage my emotions. To grow up emotionally and not be so open to responding to what goes on out there outside of me.
Anyway, I was glad I was available to hear what I needed to hear. It’s an action program and requires action, not reaction. And the need to talk to others and get good direction.