An old friend and I were talking today about the spiritual awakening. I was reminded of how often I have had these and didn’t recognize what I had.
My first spiritual awakening came so early that it wasn’t until many years later that recognized I had been gifted with it. In fact, it took someone else, who had heard my story, to tell me what had occurred. How blind and insensitive I had been. Ignorant is another word for it.
As I was thinking about this, the number of times these things had happened in my sober life, I suddenly realized that these awakenings aren’t always the pleasantest things to occur. How many times they have been of the painful variety. Things I have gone through in this program, which appeared as problems to me, but, when they finally resolved themselves, turned out to be just what I needed at the time. Things which brought about a change in me.
For instance, one thing that comes to mind immediately was something which happened in the 9th Step. In the process of making one amend, I was furious at the man, with whom I was making these amends. Despite that, I made the amends without giving into my anger. Immediately afterward the anger not only vanished, but so did all my resentments of a lifetime. I have never forgotten that moment. A moment of heavy anguish for me to one of total relief. A moment when I was changed. From unforgiving to forgiveness. Not only for others, but toward myself.
I know I have had many of these in this program. I also know that they are not something I look for or expect. But, like I said, because I know I don’t look for them, I often don’t know that they have occurred until later, when I look back and see what has happened in my life to bring about the changes in my personality.
When talking about gratitude at the meeting today, I thought about the spiritual awakenings in my life. I was not only grateful for my sobriety, but for how this program has changed this drunk into a human being. More of an adult, for the first time. Someone able to get along with others, as never before. Someone trying to live a spiritual way of life. Something I could never have conceived of before I came in. And something I never thought would happen to me, for a long time after I came here.
And, talk about a spiritual awakening, it all happened after I had surrendered to my being powerless over alcohol and then found the 2nd Step. When I came to believe that a power greater than myself could restore me to sanity. And that is exactly what happened. Imagine that. How grateful can I be? And, I am.