Wow! Isn’t that something? I was sitting and thinking this morning and guess what? Resentments came up.
All of a sudden it occurred to me that I had resentments and I didn’t even know it. I knew I was disturbed for a long time but never identified these things as resentments. I knew I had been burned up for a long time by a number of people, places, and things, but just thought of them as being treated badly by a company or two. I felt “cheated” by these firms.
In fact, last night I went to one of these companies to try to get satisfaction, and once again didn’t. And there I was this morning, thinking about them and then it hit me. That thought made me think about how, from that one company, these thoughts were beginning to multiply to others. How nuts is that?
That made me think about some things others have told me.
Their being “burned up” over some people and places. Resentments? How easy it is to acquire these resentments and not even know it.
Yet, there it is in the BB. Resentments are the number one cause of our drinking again. I believe that from my own history. I came in here with a long list. They had been building over the years and I had been drinking on a lot of them or maybe all of them. Through the Steps, especially the 8th and 9th I had been relieved of all of them. But over time, unconsciously I might have been building more of them again.
The key to all of this is something I didn’t see. Something the BB warns someone like me about. Justifiable anger. I spoke to a friend of mine today about that. They too were having a hard time with that very thing. Justifiable anger.
It’s easy I know to say to oneself that “I’m right!”. But that’s a danger for me. Bill tells us that’s the dubious luxury of normal men.
Got some work to do on myself. I definitely do not want to get into a place, where I was once before. I never want to drink again and it’s this kind of thinking that makes me think about the 2nd Step and the need of being restored to sanity.
What took me so long to recognize what was going on? Still a slow learner I guess. Thinking I knew what was going on. Fat chance.
Anyway, thinking about sobriety and the spiritual solution.