Those two words in the BB, “dubious luxury”, came to mind. We were talking about a day at a time and the solution at the meeting today and somehow those words came to mind, as well as the result of a conversation later.
Anger, the BB tells me, particularly “justifiable anger”, is the dubious luxury of “normal men”. Whoever they are. I just know that I’m not one of them. Probably none of us in the program even come close. I just know that, when it comes to anger, that I have never known how to handle mine. It usually means that a resentment will be the result. And that’s definitely dangerous to someone like me.
The worst threat the BB tells me is that, when I’m angry, I’m cut off from the sunlight of the spirit. That’s something I know I can’t afford. Doesn’t mean that I don’t lose my temper from time to time, but I know it’s definitely unhealthy for me. Even though I don’t think of a drink, I know that the threat of one is ever present in anger and resentment. I’ve seen too many examples in my time in here. Not good.
To me the word “dubious” is not strong enough. That’s because I have no doubts about anger and resentment. They are a real threat. Like I said, I have seen the results too often. They’re a luxury all right. I know I can’t really afford them.
This is a reminder to me to be on my guard. To go back to that Second Step and my dependency on my higher power to help me to maintain some kind of sanity. The BB, when it talks about the price of sobriety is eternal vigilance, I know it is probably referring to alcohol, but maybe not. The things I have to be alert for are my character defects, because behind them is alcohol. Especially anger and resentments.
Definitely thinking about sobriety. I want to stay sober and I need my higher power and the people in this program to help stay on the road. Everynight I try to remember to thank the God of my understanding for all He has given me. Especially the gift of sobriety.