Admitting and accepting. First Step and the rest of this program. About sobriety and the spiritual solution.
I was thinking about this last night and on and off today. Those two words have had a huge impact on my life. In fact they were the beginning of my sober life. How can I ever afford to forget them? “We admitted we were powerless over alcohol…”. Having surrendered I had to begin to accept the way out of my miserable alcoholic life filled with so much despair. And it worked.
Admitting and accepting. They became a big part of what my new way of life was to be like. I had to admit and surrender to so much in this program. And then to learn to accept what it was I had surrendered to.
I had no sooner taken the First Step than I had to face that next hurdle for me. The Second Step. At first I resisted anything to do with a spiritual way of life. But, when I had learned that there would be little hope for me, if I didn’t surrender and accept this way of life, actually the solution to all that possessed me, I once again had to deflate my crazy ego, humble myself and accept. I had to admit that I had a Higher Power. Saved my sobriety and my life.
The reason I began thinking about all of this had to do with the mystery to me of how this sober life of mine works. I know what I have done. I know what has happened to me through all these years. What always puzzles me is my relationship to my Higher Power.
Having admitted and accepted and done what I did, I developed hope and from that faith grew within me. Trust. And that I know and understand is a spiritual way of life on which my sobriety depends. I still trust and believe. Still hope. Still go to meetings, share with others, talk to others, works the Steps, as best as I can and need to. I know that I cannot do this alone and that I will probably hear my Higher Power’s will for me through the literature and the members.
It’s when I’m alone and sit in silence, meditating or contemplating, that I have this difficulty at times about the relationship with my Higher Power. I’m looking out the window at the trees and the woods out back. My mind wanders all over the place, and I bring it back to the reality out there and I wonder. That’s when those two words admit and accept popped up and I found myself back at the beginning.
I guess I have to admit that it’s all a mystery and accept that it always will be. Just thinking about sobriety and often wondering. It always amazes me that I am where I am. Talk about beyond my wildest dreams. Who would ever have thought that this alcoholic, so out of control would ever end up sober and living this way of life? Back then I was suffering so much despair…and then I admitted and accepted.
I am grateful.