On the way to the meeting today the friend I was riding with and I got into talking about “drunken dreams”. In a way it was funny. In another way it really wasn’t. That’s because those dreams often brought back the horror of the way of life we had.
In reading the 24 Hour a Day book today I had to pause. It was talking about going back out and having a drink. Not that it was proposing that we do, but just the fact that it suggested we might, made me think about those dreams again. We both said that was the last thing we ever wanted to ever do again.
Today at the meeting we were talking about what it was that we do to stay sober. Of course it’s the Twelve Steps of this program. Like was quoted by someone, that rarely have we seen a person fail, who has thoroughly followed our path. Bill W. was said to have once said that if he had to write that sentence over he would insert “never” for “rarely”.
My experience in not only working these Steps, but looking around and observing others, who have done the same is more like “rarely”. I know some, who have done these Steps, but left something out in the Second and the Third, and lost their sobriety. Unfortunately.
I know I’m big on the Second Step, but I’m not alone. Others will bring it up without any help from me. But there’s something about that Step, which, if we can throw our egos out for the moment and surrender to what it’s saying, we can prevent our ever having to go out. And that’s the concept that the Higher Power can empower us to stay sober. Doesn’t matter what that is for us. The concept. Like the BB tells us that as long as it makes sense to us it’s okay.
For some reason, especially reading people’s stories, who “worked” the Steps and then drank again, it’s usually the lack of a Higher Power that gets in the way of their program. If they didn’t drink they came very close , but that’s when they finally had a spiritual awakening and were able to grab back onto this program and didn’t drink.
Why I say this is that it was the Second Step which gave me so much trouble, when I came in. That’s because I didn’t want to live a spiritual life. That ended, the fight that is, when my sponsor finally got me to read that Fourth Chapter in the BB. The part about we will either live a spiritual life or drink again and die. That did it for me. I surrendered and got a higher power. Never ever wanted to drink again. I was sure it would be insanity and death for certain. That’s where I was, when I stopped drinking.
Hope, faith, and love. That’s what that Step brought into my life and opened the door to this new way of life for me. Didn’t happen overnight. Took time. But, as long as I hung in there, it was all right, as my sponsor pointed out to me. I just had to be on the right track. Eventually I changed in every way. Began to trust and see the results of having faith.
It was perseverance and getting an open mind. I often heard others, who had held onto the idea that they were angry or disappointed in the idea of a God. I’m not sure that was what held me back at the beginning. It was a lot of things, but with the help of my sponsor and some others, I began to change my mind. My thinking. The result was that I started to have some spiritual awakenings. At least that’s how it seemed to me.
That reminds me that we talked about the importance of sponsors. Not only during the meeting, but afterward, when some of us hung around and talked about what we had heard and what was important to us. It reminded me of how important my sponsor and “assistant” was to me. They both contributed so much to my life. I can never forget them, nor do I want to.
Anyway I decided to take the time and sit and “meditate” on this tonight. Helped me, that’s for sure. And I’m grateful. Hope I always will be.