Funny thing happened when I began to think about what I was writing today. Almost a hundred stories popped into my head. I was thinking about working with another alcoholic.
One of those is a Twelfth Step call I was sent out on by my first sponsor. I had to go to a hospital where a doctor of psychology was in for burns he suffered. An alcoholic he had been smoking and stumbled and fell, when he had a convulsion, his cigarette had set his nylon shirt on fire and he was badly burned. Anyway I was in his room with another alcoholic with less time than I had. I think I might have been in for six months and wondered what I was doing there.
Anyway we were in his room for about an hour and no matter what I said he had an “answer” for everything I said and finally asked us to leave him alone. We did. But I walked out confused. One thing I know was that I didn’t want to drink. So I went to my sponsor and told him what a lousy job I had done because of my lack of knowledge. Then I asked him why he had sent me. He told me that the reason was that he knew if I could win the argument with me that I could stay sober.
And there it is. Why I need to go out on Twelfth Step calls or to be open to work with another alcoholic. Like the paradox says, we have to give it away to keep it. Our sobriety may very well depend on winning that argument with me. I may never convince another alcoholic to work this program. But I can do what happened to me. I had definitely convinced myself I didn’t want to drink again.
But I have to stop and think about what this Twelfth Step is all about for me. It’s about compassion. It’s not about sympathy, as I was told by my sponsor and those old timers.
I must be able to put my feelings aside and be objective in what I’m doing. I’m there to help, if I can. I know that I’ve never been able to convince anyone of anything, if they don’t want it. All I can do is what we do for newcomers at meetings. We simply present our stories, our experiences. The Fifth Tradition. If they are not interested there’s nothing more we can do. The Serenity Prayer for sure.
However, if I’m working this program and growing along spiritual lines, I find I’m the real beneficiary. Almost always after I have worked with another alcoholic I feel like I’m the one who has received a reward. I haven’t got a clue as to why that is, but it just is. Sometimes I think it has something to do with the Second Step. My Higher Power. Just guessing but it feels that way.
And, of course, this Step is all about love. The love given to me, when I came in. All those old timers trying to help a sick and suffering alcoholic like me. They did everything they could to give me what I needed. I know that as a result of their help I have stayed sober, have grown along spiritual lines, started to grow up for the first time, and have become a different person than what I was when I came in. And, as a result of all of this, I have come to learn this is exactly what I should be doing. Bringing love to the alcoholic, who still suffers. Not always easy, but do-able.
Anyway I just wanted to take time out to sit and think about practicing the Twelfth Step. Like I was thinking, I have so many stories, as a result of practicing this. I have had a number of them running through my mind, even as I was writing this. But I definitely wanted to arrive at a point where I am aware of my Higher Power, who has a major role in all of this. Not something I share with the person I’m working with, unless he or she has been in the program and worked the Steps.
One thing I know is that, no matter what the problems are, new or old, that line from the chapter We Agnostics was running through my mind at the meeting today. Lack of power was our dilemma. And that is what opened the door for me and so many others to my Higher Power. And, if I’m willing to turn my lack of power over to him, especially in this Step
the results are in his hands and not mine. For that I am grateful. It’s part of practicing these principles in all of our affairs and staying sober today.