Yesterday we were reminded to talk about how we’re able to stay together and stay sober. The topic was fellowship.
As the meeting went on, and then later, I had to go back and think about all of this. How the fellowship in here helped to change my life. The support and caring in here by the men and women, who make up this program, can begin to turn someone like me around. It took me away from where I came from.
Certainly, looking back over my time in here, I can see how many prime examples I was given on just how this program works. I could almost see it at that first meeting I went to. I know one thing about that which always makes me pause. I walked into that room back then and for the first time in my life I felt I had come home. And I know it was the people in the room who were part of that. That and listening to their stories about their drinking alcohol, what it did to them, and how they were able to stop, get sober, and change. They didn’t know me, but they reached out to me and offered me this program.
I often think about that. They didn’t know me. Yet they did. They knew that I was an alcoholic and had that desire to stop drinking. The rest, the personal stuff, would come out later down the line. The beginning of time takes time. But their interest in me was the primary purpose of this fellowship; to stop drinking alcohol and stay sober a day at a time.
This fellowship proved something to me that I had never been exposed to in my life. I no longer had to do what I needed to do alone. I was no longer alone. The people in this fellowship were always there to help me, when I needed it and wanted it. If I would only be willing to reach out for it, help was there. They literally taught me that I had to change or suffer the consequences, the pain, and eventually slipping back into alcohol again. I was able to witness that many times and never wanted to go there again. So I began to reach out.
It was not easy from the start for me. I had dragged all of my junk into this program with me. Even so the people in here never ignored me. They were always present for me, if I wanted help. Again, it was up to me. But they also understood where I was coming from. They had all been there themselves, as I was to learn over time. All I had to do was to leave my stuff outside the doors of the meetings and just bring myself in and begin to listen. And that too took time for me, but eventually it began to change. And those old timers knew exactly how to cut my ego down to size and get me to listen.
And that was something I found out I desperately needed, but had resisted all my life. The people in this fellowship were not here to put up with me the way I was. If they needed to confront me they did. They practiced back then ego deflation in depth. It wasn’t easy for me, but it was exactly what I needed and I look back and am grateful for their willingness to stand up to principles and practice them. It definitely opened the door to changes I needed.
I could go on in detail to all that they were willing to do to help me change, but it is enough for now to just say that my sponsor and others were who helped me open the door to this spiritual way of life in here. Exactly what I needed, but didn’t know that. I only thought I did, as my sponsor pointed out. And the Second Step came into my life with their help and that was the beginning of change for me. That and the Third which helped me into the rest of the Steps.
I began to learn wisdom in here. Not that they taught that, but they lived it. I began to see it in what they practiced. What they shared with me a day at a time. And it took time for me to finally learn how to live it. Not an overnight event. But they were willing to stand by me and help me when I needed them.
And from them I also learned how to open up and share and help others just like me. The Twelfth Step and participation in the Fifth Tradition, to help the suffering alcoholic. Part of the practice of spirituality I definitely needed. To give away what was so freely given to me.
Anyway it was kind of a reward to stop and think about this fellowship and what it has done for me and others I have seen in here over time. How someone like me can stay sober a day at a time. To be given a new freedom and a new happiness I had never experienced before. I was shown this route and given the example by those in the fellowship in here. And it works. I am grateful for my Higher Power, whom I believe put this fellowship into my life. And I’m grateful for those in this fellowship who have helped me all along the way.