Over time in this program one of the things I find so dangerous for an alcoholic like myself is complacency. That awful sense of self satisfaction bordering on boredom. All of that the gift of doing nothing. I certainly have witnessed how this affected so many and led back to a drink of alcohol and often the end of their lives.
One of the definitions, which was repeated over and over, was the matter of complacency being an introduction to dangers of which we are unaware. That sense of being in a place where we feel we’re ahead of the game, which leads to boredom in meetings and with the people in here, as well as the program itself. We stop working this program.
The first thing to go is the spiritual part of this program. We stop reading things which are helpful. And often the first thing dropped is meditation. We don’t have time for that anymore. Then prayer, faith, and hope begin to fade. Moreover compassion for others, the Twelfth Step vanishes along with our being grateful for all we have been given. And obviously whatever humility we may have acquired is replaced by our overwhelming egos. We feel back in control of our lives and everything around us.
I can remember way back when I came in that I almost fell into this state of complacency. I have to be grateful for my sponsor and others, who got me to stop and renew my purpose for being here. I still didn’t want to drink, but the other stuff was beginning to slide in here. I was beginning to feel bored. And that’s because I had taken over and didn’t want to do anything more that what I had already thought I had done. Like I had really worked this program. That was a laugh, when I think about it. Anyway they got me to renew my dedication to this program.
Part of that came from their emphasis on “starting my day over”. I had heard about that but really hadn’t put it into action in my life. Had to learn how to stop and back off from myself, when I found myself in anything negative. Negative thoughts, feelings, urges, anger, resentment, worry, projections…and, of course, boredom.
I was told to step back, take a deep breath, and stop my day. If possible, depending where I was, I was told to go into privacy and pray. If not able to, then to quiet my mind and say a brief prayer, asking for the help I needed. Then to change my attitude from the negative to the positive. To get rid of my emotional life. At least to neutralize it with the help of my Higher Power. And then to begin to live and act positively with those around me.
And then to restore the gratitude I needed to express to my Higher Power and, if possible with those here in the program. And part of that was to attend a meeting.
I was also reminded that I could not stay sober by myself. I needed the help of others. Part of that was receiving what I needed on a daily basis, and then being willing and able to give to others what was given to me. And then, at some point in the day, to step back and be quiet and meditate. To be quiet and rest in my Higher Power and give thanks.
I try to remember this on a daily basis. To stop, pray, meditate, ask for the help I need, and begin my day. Hopefully going to a meeting at some point. It’s about what I had learned in here. That the spiritual life is not a theory. We have to live it. And to remember what my sponsor told me way back when, that I was not responsible for stopping drinking and coming into this program and getting sober. But I was responsible for staying away from a drink a day at a time and working this program. I never want to forget that.
One more thought hit me, as I was sitting here thinking about this. It was in the story in the BB, Freedom From Bondage. In it the person who wrote it makes as statement, that they often don’t get what they want, but they always get what they need. I can understand that in my life and am so grateful.