Over and over again I learned from those, who were old timers, like my old sponsor, just how human they were. I had read that in the BB. Not saints. Human beings. Alcoholics, who had grown in this program and knew how it worked and did it. They stayed sober.
Why am I thinking this way? That’s mainly because I talked to a man in this program, who has been around a while. We talked about this. And what we were talking about was how we try to put his spiritual life into action. Prayer and meditation. And that’s where we both talked about our attempts to do it the right way and how often we end up doing so human. Errors. Imperfect. Humans, not saints.
We both love this way of life we have been given. Imperfect, but often happy and at peace. Still we find, like my old sponsor always told me, I will stumble from time to time, and I have to learn to pick myself up, dust myself off, and keep on keeping on. I can study, read about this way of life, keep on keeping on, staying sober, never wanting to drink alcohol again, helping others like myself, but still stumbling from time to time.
I notice that each and everyday, even though I stop and think about why I am here. I’m here to stay sober a day at a time. And hopefully I do each and everyday. I often look at that Serenity Prayer and see what it says to me. I’m powerless. I have to learn over and over again how I need to learn to be humble. Not easy for someone like me, who has this over sized ego, we alcoholics have. My mind often wanders off and tries to re-control everything. And then I end up getting my ego punctured and have to surrender again.
I know my life has improved over time in here. Peace and happiness is often within me. I know I’m very dependent on my Higher Power. I’d be no place without my Higher Power. I had to grow in hope and faith. And slowly a form of love. Still having to grow in all of these. I also have to be grateful for all I have been given. I hope that I am.
Like my sponsor showed me, I had to learn how to be dependent on others in here, who have supported me and showed me how to live this way of life. I’m also grateful to all of them. Never want to forget that I really can’t do this alone. Hopefully I can pass this onto others who need this program just like I did. Each and every time I can do this I feel like I am the one who is benefiting. Amazing.
Anyway I had to stop and think about how this program has changed me. I may never ever be perfect. I know I can’t, but I also know it’s up to me to keep on trying to live this life and stay sober. Just glad I can.