Yesterday I was reminded of what is such an important thing for an alcoholic like myself. Responsibility.
We were talking about how important sponsorship was for most of us. I know I can never forget what a great help my old sponsor was for me. Still grateful. When he passed away I was a lot of years in this program. I could still stay in contact with his widow, whom had helped me a lot over the years. She was ninety and almost 60 years in the program. Despite her time and age, she was very helpful for a number of us.
But what came up was from a sober alcoholic with some time in the program. He had found he needed to pull away from his original sponsor after years in here. He wanted to talk about sponsorship. Not with me. But perhaps staying sober without a direct sponsor.
I know over time in here, a lot of time, I have not had a “sponsor”. What I’ve had to do is to take direct responsibility for staying sober. That does not mean that I think we are not in need of help in this program. Indeed I know that I still have a lot of help in here. That’s because I have a number of people, who came in around the time I did, and we all depend on one another. We share and seek direction from one another. So sponsorship is still there.
But again I had to go back and talk about our being responsible for myself. My sobriety. After all, as my old sponsor’s widow often told us, I have to be “number one”. She pointed out that no one can stay sober for me. So I have to stay focused on myself and everyday to remind myself that I’m here to stay sober a day at a time. That also means that I have to be open to share myself with others and accept whatever help I need. But only this one has the duty to do what I need to take care of my staying sober and growing along spiritual lines.
All this means that I am responsible for continuing to be active in this program and to go to meetings on a regular basis. And that pulls me back into practicing this program. I’m well aware that I need advice and often need direction. Not just the Steps, but also the Twelve Traditions. To have the hope and the faith I need to rely on my Higher Power, as well as those around me, to continue to grow along spiritual lines and stay sober. I may be responsible, but I’m still dependent. Makes me grateful.