One of the things I learned from my old sponsor was about being a sponsor. And the first thing he told me was that a sponsor was not a friend. He was there to help the alcoholic get sober. He was in charge of directions.
If he was a friend he would be curbed from being honest. If the “sponsee” or “pigeon” was off base and doing things his or her own way, a friend might be hampered from being direct or honest. This came from his past experiences and that of others in the program. Eventually, over time, if the person being sponsored, was growing along program and spiritual lines, the sponsor could let down his or her barriers and accept the individual as a friend. Over time it did happen for me.
One of the things he pointed out often, as did his wife, who had more time, that I was a human and not a saint. That meant that time and time again, I would find myself getting tripped up by my faults and defects. I was told that I had to learn to be able to share and pick myself up, dust myself off, and keep on keeping on. I had to not only become conscious of that, but I had to be able to instruct anyone I might be sponsoring, or trying to help, all of what I had learned from my sponsors.
I also learned from them how difficult it would be for a “friendly” sponsor to be open and direct with whomever they were working with. And I did have opportunities to become aware of what that was. Just like I was told above.
I was also told that ego deflation in depth was necessary for people like the alcoholics we were, who had oversized egos. Not only did my sponsor and a lot of those old timers get me cut down to size from time to time, but I learned from this what helped to get me open and what it was I had to do in order to become more honest and open. I began to learn some humility. Not easy for someone so egotistical as myself.
Today we were talking about sponsorship. My memories of sponsors was one of gratitude. I learned from them how to be a sober alcoholic. Staying sober a day at a time. How I needed to think and act in order to continue to stay sober. My need for faith, and hope, and even love. How I needed to step out of trying to control and have enough humility to learn to do what I believed was my Higher Power’s will for me.
Anyway, I had to stop long enough to contemplate on this role we need to practice in here, in order to help others get sober and to begin to live this way of life. I am grateful for what I heard today. But also grateful for what I heard over time in here. It’s all about sobriety and spirituality.