I was reminded today of what was going on with me this morning. The person reminded me because they were going through some stress from a failed relationship.
I knew they were in between wanting help and not. They could have possibly wanted to go through the anguish they were suffering, as we do from time to time. Anyway we talked and hopefully they were able to pick up on what I told them from my own experience, which had worked to change me over time. I had achieved peace and serenity.
After the call I was busy doing some things, when all of a sudden something popped up from the morning. I was scheduled to meet with a family member, who lives a distance from me. It was early in the day and I had just sat down to pray and open myself up to staying sober another day. And as I thought and prayed something crept into my mind about meeting with them. And what that was came up as questions about their safety driving from where they lived. It was there before I could stop it. And that began a struggle to begin the Serenity Prayer.
Had I been open I would have been able to go back and see why this was there. It had to do with other relationships. I won’t go into them, but there was an ill will. I did know the thought of that was there and later I found that it was an element in all of this. I was able to close out fear and worry after a period. But the disturbance was a wake up call to the fact of my being human. Like the BB states, not a saint. I would have problems in my life and, if I wanted to stay sober, I would have to put this program into action in my life.
By the time they called and came in to meet with me, I had achieved that peace and quiet within, but the original irritation was a wake up call. I know I’ve been through these things before over my life in here. I had help from my sponsor over the years and he always told me that I was to think with my head and not my heart. In other words I was to step aside from the negative emotions, which so often rule the lives of people like myself, chronic alcoholics. I’ve certainly seen the deadly results in so many cases, when fear, anger, resentments, self pity, and more, drove them back to drinking alcohol again.
And that definitely reminded me to stop and go back to what my sponsor and his long sober widow told me. I need to place myself as the number one person in my life. No one can stay sober for me. Only I can do that. And I need to do what is needed to remain sober. I must begin each day focusing on staying sober a day at a time. To put the spiritual life into action within and without. To practice these principles in my life and the lives of others, by sharing with each other. Being willing to freely give what was so freely given to me.
Anyway I had to step back and practice gratitude for my sobriety and all that has been given to me in this program. To give thanks to my Higher Power and all those in here, who have given so much to help me stay sober a day at a time. I’m grateful for that sharing today, which woke me up.