Today was one of those days, when I was once again reminded of my oversized ego and the need for humility. A couple of us talked about this today. I was grateful.
Humility is certainly one of those things I know that I need. But I know one of my problems is not just the lack of humility, but my being human. I can find myself, without even thinking, going back and seeking to take control of something I need to leave alone. Like the BB and others remind me I’m not a saint. Often I can find my mind wandering off in another direction and losing sight of what it is I need to be doing.
Fortunately for me and others, we have each other. I know that I can wake up suddenly and need to share and get my junk out of me. Like one of my friends always says, when he’s that way, he has to get out of the driver’s seat and go to the back of the bus.
Once again I’m reminded of what I learned from my sponsor and those old timers, the need for ego deflation in depth. Hopefully I can step back and admit my faults to others, including my lack of humility and the way I can fall back into pride. I know at those moments how much I need to practice humility. It’s such and essential part of trying to live a spiritual way of life.
And that’s exactly what I need to continue to remember. The spiritual life is not a theory. We have to live it, as it states in the BB in the Ninth Step. Not always an easy task. I can always state that this is especially true, when I find my mind wandering off and my self centeredness once again taking over.
As we talked about this today, I know I was reminded of why I am here. To stay sober a day at a time. The need I have to continue to rely on the power of my Higher Power, who is so fundamentally in charge of my staying sober. Not just my Higher Power, but this program and the people in it, who have helped me over time to stay sober. I owe so much and I can easily forget that, when I find myself stumbling and falling over my old faults and defects in here. I know all I can do is what my sponsor told me. That I was to pick myself up, dust myself off, and keep on keeping on. To start my day over and change my attitude from the negative to the positive.
Just need to stop and be grateful for all I have been given.