I was reminded today of the phrase “an open mind”. If I stop and think about it, I find that, when I came into this program, my mind was closed.
This all made me go back and take a look at how crippled I was at the time. I can well recognize how alcohol had a total control of everything in me and about me. I was a slave to alcohol and never knew it. It owned me and ran my life in every aspect. And, when I finally stopped drinking I had to face myself for the first time in years.
Of course one of the many things wrong with me was my lack of maturity. I had never really grown up. Dishonesty was there also. My negative emotions were in control of my life. Anger, resentments, fear, anxiety, and the list goes on. And one of my worst problems was the fact that I never wanted help or sought it. That too was a major defect in my life. Somehow, without being aware of it, I thought I knew everything.
And that’s where my old sponsor came into the picture. He was the one who told me that I didn’t know that I didn’t know. I only thought I did. Plus he told me that I was educated beyond my intelligence. And he was right on both counts. He changed the picture I had of myself and I am forever grateful.
This was the beginning of the spiritual awakening. My introduction to the Second Step. The eventual restoration to sanity, the presence of a Higher Power in my life, the growth of faith, hope, and love, and the spiritual awakening itself. And all of this was what really began a sober life for me. It has gone way beyond not drinking alcohol.
Anyway I had to stop and think about why I am here and what I went through to get sober. My intention, as always in here, is to stay sober a day at a time. And that meant that I had to change completely. Not done yet and never will be, no matter how long I am able to stay here. That I learned from my old sponsor, this program, and the people in it, who have helped me to grow along spiritual lines. I’m still human. Not a saint, as the BB points out to me. I was told that I will sometimes find myself stumbling and bumbling and tumbling along this path. I was also told to pick myself up, dust myself off, and keep on keeping on. In other words, Steps 10, 11, and 12.
Definitely have to be grateful. And I am.