Once again I had to start my day off with prayers reminding myself of why I am here. And that’s to stay sober a day at a time. I always try to go back to that Jan. 6 page in the 24 Hour a Day book, which was read to me at my first meeting in AA. I can never forget that and often go back and read and say that first paragraph. I know others who go there also.
However I was reading the Tenth Step in the 12&12 last night. Once again it reminded me of how those emotions of ours can drag us down. How we can get fired up with anger and other defects. What that can do to people like myself. An alcoholic. We can get those emotions sunk deep within in us and last longer than is healthy at all.
This is where our sponsors can help us do those instant inventories of ourselves. That is, if I am sincere in wanting to remain sober the day I’m caught up in all of this stuff. I know for myself that I never want to get pulled down into resentments. Like I’ve often told others how resentments have taken others down and back to drinking and it led to their deaths. And that’s exactly what the BB told us from the start.
Of course I have often tried to encourage new people to get a sponsor with time in this program, who knows how this program works and can help them stay sober. Of late I have seen newcomers not doing this. Thinking to themselves that they know what they’re to do or not do. Just like I was way back then. Thank my Higher Power for giving me a sponsor, who knew what to say to this egotistical maniac. He told me that I didn’t know that I didn’t know. I only thought I did.
Anyway I just needed to stop and think about starting my day off like I should. Committing myself to staying sober this day. To pray and ask for help, and then to stop and think about not drinking alcohol this day. My old way of thinking was to remain sober the rest of my life. I didn’t realize, like my sponsor said, how that could put me into danger of forgetting why I am really here. Like the Jan. 6 page pointed out, can I even forget about this for a minute? The answer is no, even though I am human and have to practice, practice, practice.
I am grateful and need express that gratitude to the God of my understanding, my old sponsor, his great widow, and those old timers, and the rest of the people in here, who have helped me to stay sober a day at a time.