Reading the BB and its discussion of Steps Four and Five brings home one of the worst parts of my life out there while I was practicing my alcoholic drinking. In fact it followed me into these rooms and took time to deal with, and that was fear. In fact I recently talked to others, who were suffering from the big fears they had. Reminded me and made me grateful that this program has worked for myself and so many others like us.
One of those things I can remember was how my fears turned to anger and accusations of others that they were doing things which were hateful toward me. Some of these led to Step Nine later. The main thing is that the Second Step started a way of life, which changed all of this. A reliance and faith in my Higher Power, when I came to believe that fear could be relieved. These Steps and the spiritual way of life helped to free me of the darkness within. I began to have a way of life, which was totally different than it was out there and even in here for a while.
Having faith in my Higher Power and this program is what I so desperately needed. I have been given gratitude for all of the freedom and a new way of life within and without. I look on the grace I have received. That spiritual awakening and restoration to sanity, as stated in the BB and from those old timers.
I have not only to be thankful for these gifts, but to also be willing to do for others what was given to me by all those in here, who have helped me. Freely given and now to freely give.compassion and love for others like myself. Twelfth Step and hopeful guidance which I can never forget. Anyway I know that this is what others like myself hopefully practice each and every day in our meetings.
All this reminds me of why I am here. I’m here to stay sober a day at a time and to be open for what my Higher Power wants all of us to do. I just have to remember to start my day with prayers and thoughts, which will help me to stop from having egotistical thoughts that I’m in charge and control. I need to grow into doing what this program has done to remain open to the grace given to me. To hopefully try to practice humility and not pride.
Anyway I just thought I needed to stop and think about all of this. Just now need to thank my Higher Power, this program, my old sponsor, and all of those who have helped me over time in here. Thanks.