In Step Four there’s a word, which can tear us down. And that’s one of the primary faults of everyone at one time or another. And like my old sponsor and those old timers pointed out, no matter how long we stay sober we can still trip over our defects and negative feelings. And the word? Pride.
Like I was told, and so many more, our super sized egos will always come back at times. That’s why those old timers would always believe in cutting ours down to size. I know they often did that to me. But like they said, they’re apt to come back. Like we were told, we’re human and not saints.
So, I know I have to hopefully depend on my Higher Power to keep me in line. I know from experience and my time in here, that I can be tripped. And need to turn to the God of my understanding, when I become aware of my being pulled down by my pride and ego. Need to be ready to pray and ask for help and able to realize that I need to seek some humility in my life, instead of losing my staying sober a day at a time.
The Twelve and Twelve points out our danger in this. It states that when the satisfaction of our instincts for sex, security, and society becomes our sole objects of our lives, then pride comes in to justify our excesses. That thought knocks the wind out of me. But I have no doubts about this. Negative emotions can take over and drag us down from time to time. So, I need to stay focused on my human defects and come to be more dependent on my spiritual needs to step back and ask my Higher Power for the help I need.
I’m not so dependent on those things, but I know that fear, anger, and ego, pride, can trip me up. That’s why my old sponsor and those old timers taught me that I had to learn how to practice the intellect over my emotions. Or the “I” over “E”, as they would say.
Or as my sponsor would tell me, “Think with your head and not your heart”.
Anyway I have to always remember that I’m primarily here to stay sober a day at a time. So I have to pay attention. I can, I know, find myself suffering at times from a lack of humility. Not easy to achieve for this alcoholic. Prayer, and meditation, and going to meetings, talking to my friends in here are so important. I need to be grateful for all I have been given and thank my Higher Power, and all those in here who are always willing to help me.