I was talking to an old friend of mine in the program, and we both agreed that neither one of us has ever gained all the knowledge we need so far, regardless of our time in here. From time to time, we both know how much we have forgotten, or never gotten. So, I know we both know that we will be stumbling from time to time.
The reason this came up, was that we both had heard people with a short time in here, talking about how much they “really know”. The man I heard did the whole meeting, and reminded me of me way back when. That was when I met my old sponsor, who told me that I didn’t know that I didn’t know; I only thought I did. How right he was.
It opened my mind and changed me. I had to learn to step back and begin all over again. Not only that, I had to put what I thought I knew out the door, and come in and sit down and begin to listen and start to learn what I needed to know to stay sober a day at a time. And to begin to learn a day at a time. Not a year at a time in one day.
It has taken years to begin to learn what I had to know. I am so grateful for all of that. It not only has changed me, it has made my life so peaceful and happy. That’s because it all began with that Second Step, our spiritual way of life. Prayer and thinking, and also a belief in my Higher Power, and a willingness to follow his will for me.
A big part of this was to learn that I am not a saint, nor will I be on earth. I’m a human alcoholic, who may begin my day, wanting to turn my will and my life over to the God of my understanding, but will often find myself during the day stumbling, and bumbling, and tumbling, and have to learn to pick myself up, dust myself off, and start over again.
And part of this process in life is to learn humility, which this over sized ego finds so difficult at time after time. Yet I learned from my old sponsor and those old timers that I have to do it over and over again and again. To be willing to change. Not easy, but do-able if I’m willing to seek and find my Higher Power’s will for me.
Anyway we were willing to change. To do this a day at a time. And to stay sober a day at a time. To continue to seek and do God’s will for us. To be grateful for all we have been given. To continue to practice in faith, hope, and love. To freely give to new comers what was so freely given to us. And to give thanks to our Higher Power for his gifts to us, and to all those, who have helped us over time in here.