When I came into this program, I remembered later that I was being ruled by my negative emotions, which I dragged in with me. I wasn’t even aware that they were running my life. Stuff that my alcoholism kept alive within me. There were resentments, anger, hate, fear, worry, anxiety, despair, and on and on.
And, of course, I got wake up calls from the BB and my sponsor and another alcoholic, who had time in, but went back out and drank and died, because of resentments. What the BB told me about how resentments can cause us to drink again and die, made me wish to change.
I really wasn’t aware of these negative emotions. Somehow I was thinking that I knew what I was doing, because of my education. I only thought all I needed to do was to work this program. That’s when I got a wake up call from my new sponsor and those old timers in here. I was told that I didn’t know that I didn’t know. I only thought I did.
I was introduced to my “next” Step, the Second. That opened the door to what I needed to begin with, for me. The spiritual way of life in here. And it also to a Power Greater than myself, the God of my understanding, and eventually the rest of these Steps. And also I was given more to learn in here, and that was when I began to find out about these negative emotions and how they had very little to do with the truth.
All this began to show me how I had to put my intellect, my true mind, over these negative emotions, which governed my thinking and my life. It was called “I” over “E”. I was told how, when the moment arrived, where one of these emotions began, I was to put my mind over them and to stop their taking over, and then I was to learn to pray and ask for help, and, if possible, to talk to someone, who knew what I needed.
I also discovered that time takes time. Nothing seems to happen overnight. I had to learn the truth and put it into action within my life. But I did begin to accomplish freedom from these emotions, which had governed my life through my drinking alcohol, and had come through the door into this program, and was now starting to being removed from within. Another miracle for me, the first being the removal of my drinking alcohol.
There’s much more, but this is enough for me right now. I was in a meeting today, in which I felt this was part of the subject. It made me stop and think about how this worked in my life, and helped me to begin to think and live in a positive way of living. I am so grateful for my Higher Power, this program of being sober a day at a time, and all those old timers, who helped me to grow and live a wonderful life in here. Thanks.