I have to talk about the God of my understanding, because that’s what changed me. First he stopped me from drinking alcohol. I know because I totally surrendered to him and turned my will and my life over, before I even came into AA. And then in AA, I had to go back and to do the same thing again; turning my will and my life over to him again.
The reason I had to do it again was that, when I came into this program I was not going to live a spiritual way of life. I came in not surrendering to this program, but aiming to live my own way of life in here. For a very human reason I felt I would somehow do what I wanted to do and I could stay sober on my own. I joined my first sponsor, because all he wanted to do was to get me out there with him on Twelfth Step calls, which were pretty busy at that time, back then.
I didn’t know anything about this program, because my sponsor only talked about getting people away from alcohol. Going to the meetings I wasn’t interested in what they were talking about. That’s because I thought I knew what I was doing and that was okay with my sponsor. I was totally unaware of what was really going on. I didn’t know or understand what it was that I needed to do, if I wanted to stay sober.
Then my first sponsor saved my life. He went back out and drank again and died. That shocked me and, in a real sense, woke me up. A sober couple down the street had been watching me and wanted to help me and make sure I would stay sober. He became my second sponsor and this couple were true members of AA. I did the right thing, even though I didn’t have an idea of what that was.
I asked him for help and he gave it to me. So did she. And then he told me that I was to begin with the BB. He said that I was not just to read it, I had to seriously study it.
They got me to begin to be honest for the first time in my life. I was told to read the BB, from the first page through the third chapter. When I had, I was told that the next thing I needed to do was to read the chapter We Agnostics, which introduced me to the Second Step. And that shocked me. I discovered I was going to have to surrender to my living a spiritual way of life, or risk going back out and drinking and dying.
In the end I did surrender and decided to live a spiritual way of life. Not only that, I discovered I needed to begin to believe in a Power Greater than myself. A God of my understanding. I once again had to surrender and I did.
By this time I was getting back into my own thinking and found myself stumbling, bumbling, and tumbling.And then two people in a meeting woke me up again. The one said to their sponsor, “What is God’s will for me?” And her sponsor responded and woke me up. She simply said, “The other Nine Steps.” And that helped me to move on from there.
I look back and think of what the Ninth Step in the BB tells us. That the spiritual life is not a theory. We have to live it. And at the bottom of the page, where it tells us what happens, when we begin to put this program into action. Amazing and true. Thanks.