One of the things I was thinking about was how I learned what I learned in here. Had to go back and think about what happened along the line with my old sponsor and those old timers in here. Really kind of amazing when I think about it. A real lesson for someone like me.
The truth of the matter is that I really don’t think anyone “taught” me anything. It was more by example and by my listening and watching others. That was especially true when it came to learning about the spiritual way of life.
I mean I know that I was “guided” through a lot of things, but nothing specifically taught to me. I know that my sponsor would tell me things from which I would learn things, but not really instructions. Things like, “When in doubt don’t”. The rest of it I had to learn for myself. They were more like “hints”. Anyway, that’s my take on it as I look back and rerun things in my head.
I know what was given to me was like a wake up call of all the things I missed learning along the line in growing up and trying to learn how to live, which I had failed to do, when I was out there. My take on all of this is that most individuals, non alcoholics, learned how to live because they grew up in a more normal way and didn’t deafen and blind themselves with alcohol. The alcoholic ego taught itself that it could control and know everything without ever learning anything to begin with. At least it was that way for me.
One of those things I learned from my sponsor was humility. I had no idea of what that was. Humiliations? Oh, yes. I knew what that was. I had suffered that a lot. But humility, itself, the virtue we need to learn about in here, especially when it comes to this spiritual way of life, I witnessed. I can remember, when my sponsor’s wife seemed unable to stop him from running himself to death trying to help his drunken brother in another city. He’d be working all day and then in the evening running back and forth. Anyway, she called me one night and asked me to come over and talk to him. I mean, here I was this relatively “new” sober individual, and she’s asking me. I went over and walked into his bedroom, where he was getting dressed to go over to this other city, and all I said to him was, “I know what you’d say to me”. He stopped, changed his clothes, and said something like, “All right, let’s go to a meeting”. And he changed what he was doing, which he needed to do.
In fact the BB tells us that when it comes to acquiring a Higher Power that we’re not here to teach an individual anything about what we ourselves have come to believe. We’re to leave them alone to acquire whatever it is which makes sense to them. I think that was because Bill W. himself learned that the hard way. He drove a lot of alcoholics back out because of his insistence that they believe what he taught them. He regretted that a lot after he saw what happened.
I sometimes think about what it is I’m supposed to do in working with others. I definitely know that I can help them, if they want help. I have been given by others what I believe I need to give help. But if they don’t want help, especially my help, I have to step away. I have no power to change anyone, who doesn’t want to change. I’m not here to teach. Just to give assistance if I can. I can explain and give examples, but that’s about it.
Guidance might be the right word. What I learned from my sponsor and those old timer’s example. Sometimes I have spoken up at meetings, when things seem out of line or control. I just repeat what I learned from them, which I know was what myself and others needed, when we would get “off track”.
Anyway I had to stop and think about the Twelfth Step and trying to help other alcoholics like myself to stay sober. What I learned in here. I was to give away what was so freely given to me. Nothing I know was forced on me by my sponsor or others. If anything it was forced on me by alcohol.
Just thinking about staying sober and my gratitude for what my Higher Power and this program and others have given to me. A day at a time.