Couldn’t help but think about cleaning out emotional turmoil. I know that being human means that I can find myself from time to time getting pulled into a corner with my faults. Like I have to think at times that this disease is not curable and I will have my faults until the end. Not a mystery. The paragraph in How It Works describes this imperfection we suffer from. Like it tells us, we’re not saints.
I recently got into some junk within and that hastened to pull me into a couple of emotional storms. Negative for sure. So this morning I had to sit down and meditate after my prayer. Wasn’t easy. I don’t know how many times I tried to silence my mind. My thinking was caught up with all this stuff. I know that the answer has always been my Higher Power.
However I first went to an old friend and shared these inner rumblings. I was given good response and knew that I had to first back off and stay in the moment. None of that was easy. But like I said I knew that my friend knew what I had to do. So, I prayed and then sought meditation to place my intellect back over my emotions.
After a bit of time I finally reached a point of complete silence. I knew a spiritual commitment was what I so desperately needed to quiet the disturbance. The noise within suddenly went to total quiet. I had the answer I was seeking.
Once again I was reminded of why I am here. I first had to go to the spiritual axiom in the Tenth Step and own up to my mistakes. Where I was wrong and not someone else. And, of course, that immediately led to the Eleventh Step. To improve my conscious contact with the God of my understanding. And seeking only knowledge of his will for us and the power to carry that out.
Finally I had to open my mind up to being willing to help another alcoholic who is suffering. And I am. But at the moment I’m enjoying the peace I have been given. A reminder once again that I am here to stay sober a day at a time. My heart and mind are willing to practice the Twelfth Step, if I get the opportunity. Meanwhile I am grateful for all that I have been given.
Now I can do what I need to do each and everyday, to pause and think about my mission in my life. To never take a drink of alcohol ever again and to do this a day at a time. Staying sober with the help of my Higher Power, the principles I learned to practice from my old sponsor and those old timers, and the help I get from old friends and so many alcoholics in this program. Thanks for the gift of peace and so many other gifts I have received over time. Beyond my wildest dreams. Thanks.