Fear was the topic today. Almost everyone in the room could identify with fear. Almost all had the same entry through the doors of this program, loaded down with fear. I know I did.
I know I didn’t have fear of losing alcohol. I was so grateful that the alcohol was gone and I was free that I could sometimes balance the loss with fear. I know that I had to learn to back up and walk away from whatever it was. Part of that was that I had never really grown up. Maturity was not in my life back then.
One of the things which kept fear active was my dishonesty. I never really knew that I was lying to myself. I had been for years, but was not aware of what was going on. Just habits of a lifetime. And that’s when the old timers finally got the message within me. Intellect over emotions.
What opened the door to what they were trying to teach us was the entrance of the Second Step into my life. The beginning of living a spiritual life. Not an overnight experience, but just starting it was a way to begin to deal with what was wrong with me.
I had to learn to stop my day and start it over, when I would find myself reacting to fear. Turning fear into anger and resentments. I needed to find a way to rid myself of a negative attitude and convert it into a positive attitude. And with me this included laughter.
The other thing I learned from the old timers and my sponsor, was to try to nip these things in the bud. To pray and ask my Higher Power for help with these things. Over time my thoughts and attitudes began to change. I rarely get into these things, but I know that I will find myself from time to time getting caught up in these. Like my sponsor told me, that I would get tripped up from time to time. He told me to pick myself up, dust myself off, and keep on keeping on.
I am grateful for those old timers. They helped me to come to peace with myself. To learn to stop and start over, if I have to. And I was told that I will trip and fall from time to time, because I’m not a saint. I’m a human being. My faults are still available, regardless of any kind of growth in here.
And I have to stop now and then and remind myself of why I am here in the first place. To stay sober a day at a time. To apply these Steps to my life. Particularly the Tenth, Eleventh, and Twelfth Steps.
I always need to thank my Higher Power, my old sponsor, and a lot of those old timers, who helped me to turn my life around over time in here. And I need to also thank so many of these people in here today. I’ve been given a lot of help.