Once again I was reminded of my old sponsor and those old timers, who were the ones who helped me change from what I was. I was a self centered control artist. I needed ego deflation in depth and that’s what I got. I look back and am so grateful for all of that.
Doesn’t mean that I don’t drift back into ego inflation. I understand that’s one of the things wrong with alcoholics. Dr. Tiebout, who worked with alcoholics near the beginning of this program, was the one who stressed ego deflation, as did others. I well can understand this kind of need we have. I know I sure fit the bill.
I certainly go back and listen to those, who came into the program trying to control everything, who lost almost everything as a result, but who found it difficult to stop and change. I might have been one of those. Maybe not totally, but enough to be able to identify with them. I know I needed to be “knocked down” from time to time. And I was. Again grateful.
One of the hardest things for me to learn in here was being able to step back and stay in the present. Not to project into the future, which was what so often made me anxiety ridden. And then angry. Resentful. Full of self pity. Forecasting negative events in my life.
I had to learn to step back and make sure I know where I am at any given moment. I’m right here and not out there. I often have to help others to do the very same thing. Like my sponsor and his wife always told me that I was to stay in today at all times. I can only stay sober a day at a time. And I need to be here for that. The minute I forget and drift into the future I’m headed for trouble.
Again ego inflation and trying to control everything. Insanity for sure.
And, of course, this is where the spiritual life comes into the picture for me. I have to pray and let go and let God. My Higher Power take over and look after me. I could never have gotten sober and gone on living without the power and grace I was given, which took alcohol away from me. I am ever so grateful for what was a change in me.
Anyway, I was thinking about all of this today. I was reminded of the need to step back and to stay in the day by a few who talked to me. Which once again brought the thought of staying sober a day at a time. What a gift I have been given, along with so many others like myself. The miracle of a spiritual awakening. The gift Dr. Jung guided that young man into, which helped to begin this program along the way.