Every once in a while it’s good for me to go back and remind myself of some of the truths of this program. I need to do this, in order to get out of my own way. I often stumble over myself. My ego and pride are obstacles I sometimes cannot get around.
Nowhere is this more true than when I find myself thinking myself into a corner. I can trap myself into an seemingly endless maze and can’t find my way out. Self pity and resentments can pile up and then come crashing down on me, leaving me in a dark state of mind.
A friend of mine and I were talking about this today. How we can end up feeling unique and alone. We can feel that we can’t tell anyone about this kind of stuff, because no one would understand. It is a lonely place to be. And pride keeps us from asking for help.
One thing for sure is that if we talk to another alcoholic, they will understand. The question is, how to get the willingness to do that. I was reading the 12&12 and there was the answer. In Tradition 5, Bill is talking to a prospect in the hospital. He ends up calling this man a conceited Irishman. He points out to this man that he lacks the key to sobriety: humility. Then I went back to Step 7, where it is all about humility. A paticular passage talks about our stubborness and wanting to hold on to some of these defects, which made us problem drinkers in the first place. But, it tells us, that if we want to survive, we’re going to have to come to grips with humility and achieve some degree of it.
Finally, I once again went back to Tradition 3 and it illustrated to me a first step toward humility. It reminded me that one of my problems was that I often took myself too seriously. Rule #62: “Don’t take yourself too damn seriously”. Self importance falls away. I can go to the mirror and laugh at myself. I can start my day over. I can and do talk to someone and once again the air is clear and I’m in the sunshine of the spirit.
Anyway, I couldn’t help but think about this today and ask God to free me from the bondage of self so that I can stay sober for one more day.