As much as not drinking is important to me, how I stay sober is of equal weight. This is a simple program with so many facets. First this is a we program. It requires that I become one of many like myself. Alcoholics, united as one for the good of others. Our primary purpose is just that, number one: to stay sober and to carry the AA message to the suffering alcoholic.
The Fifth Tradition emphasizes what all AA groups are supposed to do. It tells us that the group ought to be spiritual entity, or, as a whole, united in spirit to stick to its primary purpose. It tells us that our only business is alcohol and nothing else. We have no business in any other field. In fact it emphasizes that we know nothing about anything else. We might personally, but the First Tradition tells us that our unity of purpose is what keeps the AA heart beating. It often requires of us to make personal sacrifices for the good of the whole. It means putting our egos on hold.
I was thinking about my oversized ego. It often gets in my way and the way of others. I know that to personally practice these Traditions I have to devote myself to ego deflation in depth. I know that humility is not one of my strong points. Putting myself to one side requires concentration on a discipline of surrender. However the very life of AA demands that I do just as others do.
And humility is a necessary requirement, if I want to stay sober.
The question I have so often asked myself is, am I committed to staying sober and working at being a part of this program? It’s not so much how I feel about these things, it’s what I am thinking and how I act. If I had to depend on my feelings, I wonder if I would be here. No, it’s about choices and responsibility. I am responsible. I have learned that in the process, which is the program.
A very spiritual man once wrote that it was a very great thing to be little. Bill quotes a line, that of myself I am nothing, my Father does the work. I remember how much I would repeat that over and over, as I went through my early years in AA. It was a reminder to me of who was who and what was what. It helped me to stay in perspective with myself and balanced my ego with reality. It helped me stay sober and to do the next right thing. It helped me to stay out of the “debating society” and often helped me to mind my own business. I say helped, because those two were part of my worst defect: Pride.
Anyway, I was thinking of how the Steps and the Traditions have helped me to arrive at a point, where sobriety and helping another suffering alcoholic is my primary purpose. They are the steppingstones to my recovery. Like so many others I have talked with, I still question my ability to help anyone but myself. But the program has taught me to keep on trying. So I will, along with the others, who have helped me so much. To me, it is an act of gratitude for all that I have been given.