I was sitting here thinking about what it would take to get someone to drink again. I know the argument, which says that “slips” are planned. But that doesn’t take away the thought, that in the planning, the person is truly insane.
When Bill talks about anger and resentments in the BB, he says that these cut us off from the sunlight of the spirit…the insanity returns and we drink again.
It’s the disease of alcoholism. The same insanity he describes, when he talks about the man continually running out in front of the trolley car. Let’s face it; for the alcoholic to drink again is pure insanity.
Bill says that relapse is in the mind. But what mental twist is there in the alcoholic mind, which would lead back to a drink? I’ve talked about this on a number of occassions with friends. Though it was almost unthinkable for them, from what they said and I thought myself, it boils down to when it’s all about me.
Bill tells us that selfishness and self centeredness will kill us. And for us to drink again means death. Death of some sort. When I’m only thinking about myself, I truly am nuts. But, when I’m thinking about me, I’m not aware of what’s going on. I become self will run riot, though I won’t think so.
That’s what I have to pay attention to always. That’s what my Tenth Step is for. That’s why I have to talk to someone on a regular basis. That’s what my drinking was all about. It was about me. Self centered to the extreme. When the BB says that the number one offender in the seven deadly sins is Pride, it really means it’s about me. My anger is all about me. Self pity is all about me.
Resentment is all about me. Jealousy is all about me. Pleasure seeking is all about me.
When the BB says there may come a time when I will have no mental defense against the first drink and only contact with a higher power can help me, what can possibly prevent that contact and rescue me? Me.
So, what’s the solution to me and my insanity? Meetings, yes. Other people, yes. But, in rereading the BB in How It Works, I was reminded today in the discussion of the Third Step. On my own power alone I cannot reduce my self centeredness. I need God’s help, if I want to stay sober.
The solution is so simple. Ask God for help and turn my attention to others.
This what I was thinking today.