I was remembering a phrase, which was once so popular. “Shut your big trap!” How appropriate that was or is. Because one of the biggest traps I often fall into is my big trap; my big mouth.
The reason I bring this ups is that my mouth is always activated by my worst character defects. The first is my ego. I “know” better than everyone else.
When I’m like that, I very rarely will admit that I’m wrong. I’m always “right”.
In fact, I become self righteous. And my pride won’t permit me to take whatever I said back. I’m caught in my own trap.
My mouth has gotten me into more trouble than I care to admit. It was a hazard for me when I was drinking and almost a fatal event. But in sobriety it seems to keep popping up, when I least expect it. And that’s because I’m not practicing these principles in all of my affairs. The basic necessity of a spiritual life is lacking in me: Awareness. I’m not in the present moment and aware of what is going on. I’m sleepwalking and my mouth is on auto drive.
Out comes some outrageous remark or angry explitive and I offend others.
I was about 15 yrs. sober and driving to a business meeting. I was late, so I stepped on the gas and ended up being pulled over by a cop. While I was waiting for the policeman to check my credentials and write out my ticket, I lit a cigarette. When I saw the officer coming back from their squad car, I threw my cigarette out onto the the street. Right away the cop announced to me that I had thrown “a harmful substance” on the pavement. Without thinking, I said, “Oh, I’m sorry, did I hurt it?” That almost got me into more trouble than the ticket for speeding. Fortunately the cop gave me an out by allowing me to make an amend by picking the butt up and putting it into my ashtray. Humility through humiliation.
Whether it’s the anger, the self righteousness, the pride, or the resulting humiliation from my mouth, I know that the biggest trap I can get caught in is to return to a drink. I know full well, from the experiences of others, that this is where a lack of awareness can take me.
I’m an alcoholic. I know that I’m not cured from this disease. A drink is always waiting patiently, just out of sight, and my big mouth can lead me there. I need to pay attention and ask my higher power for help. And I know that the help is always available through my friends in this program. All it takes is willingness on my part to ask for that help.