Recovery from alcoholism can often be an arduous journey for a lot of us. Getting sober and staying sober is the purpose of this program. We’re often told it is a simple process, but not an easy one. One of the reasons is because of what alcohol did to us over a period of time. The damage can be profound in many an alcoholic. But as the BB tells, us we can recover if we have the capacity to be honest, and most of all, if we are willing. Desperation, or as we call it “hitting a bottom”, is essential, as it was for me.
I was told, when I came in that this was a threefold disease: Mental, physical, and spiritual. I was told that I would only recover in the order of first physically, then mentally, and finally spiritually. First I had to dry out. I had to bodily recover from what alcohol had done to me. Then, as time went on, my damaged mind would begin to be restored to some semblance of sane thinking. I could begin to comprehend what I had to learn to stay sober. This was not to be an overnight affair. I can tell you that what kept me on the path at this time was a good sponsor and fear of alcohol. I never wanted to drink again.
But it was the third part of this disease which was to give me so much trouble. The spiritual element. Like most alcoholics I could identify with the statement that we come here spiritually bankrupt. I was empty within. I had what was once called a “God hole” inside of me. I had often tried to fill this void with things outside of me and it had never worked. Cars, money, sex, and a whole lot more. They just disappeared into that hole and never hit bottom. I found that I was going to have to find a way to fill that deep abyss from within.
I had lost my way many years before. I was a victim of my own doubts as a prideful student in theology. I was overwhelmed by my own ego and inability to listen to wiser men than myself. I picked up a drink and was on my way into the chaos of alcoholism. Now I was going to have to learn to humble myself and find, not only the God of my understanding, but a way to converse and listen and depend on Him as I had never had ever before. I was going to have to learn to find an understanding of God’s grace and his will for me.
The lessons I must learn to maintain what I have found here still continue. The spirituality I have found in this program has restored, not only my hope and faith, it has enabled me to stay sober a day at a time. It all came as a result of the Steps and the support of those who never kept what they had been so freely given. The lesson they have taught me is that I can do no less.