The saddest sight for most recovered alcoholics is watching someone, who needs this program and sobriety, grimly refuse the hand of help. I know for me that it conjures up the vision of them on their way to where I once came from: Pure Hell.
The last couple of days has presented a few who for some reason or other are struggling either to get in or get out. I know how powerless I am to do anything about them, but something inside wants me to speak up and get their attention. But I have learned from experience that we each have our own road to walk and we each have to go through whatever experience we have to in order to get where we’re going.
As my sponsor once pointed out to me that I’m not always going to be successful on a 12th Step as I think I should. He turned it around for me by pointing out that I could stay sober, not by winning the argument with the suffering alcoholic, but winning the argument with me.
I often think about what he said: I could stay sober, if I won the argument with me. There are many occasions when I find myself doing just that. At meetings sometimes. Sometimes I will be by myself and find myself repeating this exercise. I’m doing it at this very moment. Once again I’m involved in going back to the basics I learned so long ago. I’m still learning them. I always hope I will, because I want to stay sober.
And that’s the point isn’t it. Doesn’t matter what someone else wants or doesn’t want. I want to stay sober. So, I find myself repeating the many things I have learned in here from my sponsor and a whole lot more. I frequently will find myself repeating those thoughts I have read so often. I find myself repeating many of the prayerful thoughts; the Third Step Prayer, the Seventh Step Prayer, some thoughtful sentences Bill inserted in the BB and the 12&12. I found myself at the meeting today doing just that. The Steps, the Traditions. What it is that I need to continue down this road, which has opened my heart and mind to the endless possibilities sobriety offers me. But mostly the freedom from the slavery of alcohol.
As I said, this is what I’m thinking about and thinking of the gratitude I owe so many and the God of my understanding, my higher power, who has empowered me to follow his will for me on a daily basis.