Had to laugh the other day. One of the men in the meeting related how long it took him to just wake up and jump out of bed, because he was looking forward to the day. He said prior to that, even though he was not drinking, he found it hard to make himself get up. He still wasn’t really happy. He said it took him a long time to finally realize what it meant to be sober.
I know I can relate to that. What sobriety really meant to me and my life took a long time to sink in. I mean, I was glad that I was no longer drinking or even wanted a drink, but appreciation of the freedom I had was still a long way off.
I know I wanted to go to meetings, but sometimes I found it still a task. I didn’t yet have the enjoyment and relief that always comes with that.
No, what I’m thinking about is that day, when I woke up and really knew what it meant to be sober. That day, when I opened my eyes and knew that the most important thing in my life was my sobriety. That the first thought of the day was all about sobriety and living a spiritual way of life. The day I really looked forward to a meeting with sober acquaintances and friends, because no matter what might want to pull me down, I knew it would be gone before the end of the meeting. That I loved going to meetings and found them “fun”. They made me happy.
But it was more than that. That hard to define understanding, which was deep down within me. A strong sense of gratitude I had for my higher power and the program in general for all that had been done for me. My sobriety. There was no real dependency on anything material in my life. Sobriety was independent of anything in the world around me. It was enough by itself. I began to understand the “joy of living”. I was really enjoying my life in sobriety.
The Steps and the principles flowing from them took on a deeper meaning. My willingness to give away what was so freely given to me began to grow. What the BB said about the idea of my selfishness and being self centered not going away overnight began to fade. It was true for such a long time. It didn’t go away overnight, over a week, a month, or a year. It took a long time. I came to realize how much I had to learn and experience before that was possible.
I really don’t think it was possible for me, or my friend, to come to such a realization we both had, until we were able to get out of ourselves enough to see what had taken place. It only came gradually, as we each began to shed those parts of ourselves, which had blinded us to what had really occurred the day we stopped drinking and walked through these doors. All in all, it took as much time as we needed it to take a day at a time.
I’m just happy, as I know he is, that we are where we are today. Sober and somewhat improved. Still far from perfect, but that’s okay. It’s enough to be sober.