Nothing is worth a drink today. I hear that over and over, but that doesn’t mean I won’t drink again. It’s just that I know it’s not worth it.
I was thinking back about a man, who wrote a book on alcoholism. He had to his credit a reasonable amount of time sober. The book itself brought him a lot of attention among those who knew him. He was proclaimed an “expert” in the matter of alcoholism and as a result he was appointed to a job in rehabilitation of alcoholics.
Soon he came to the attention of the governor of his state and was elevated to a very high position, which placed all of the state’s programs under him. He was now not only in charge of these programs, but also was called upon for consultation and speaking engagements.
Then one day his family, his friends, and others confronted him with the fact that he was drinking. In his second book, he describes this. He said he had no idea that he was drinking again and all he knew is that he was simply quieting his nerves, because his life had become so stressful. He really didn’t think he was drinking. Talk about insanity.
Bill W., in the BB, states that anger can cut us off from the sunlight of the spirit, the insanity returns, and we drink again.
The key word is “insanity”. People, who are insane, often have no idea that they are. Moreover, the BB states that there may come a time, when we will have no mental defense against that first drink.
Nothing is worth a drink today. But the question of anger and resentments needs my attention, if I’m to stay sober. That means that I have to be aware of my attitude and my character defects. Or, I just might have a return of insanity.
The answer is also in the BB. Eternal vigilance is the price of sobriety. I have to pay attention through the practice of these Steps in my life. If not, I might end up just like the man I described above. He knew all about alcoholism. In others. Not in himself.
Or like it is said, a little knowledge can be a dangerous thing. I can be too smart for my own good and end up outsmarting myself. I know only one thing. I’m an alcoholic. I’m powerless over alcohol. I always will be. If I will surrender and accept this fact daily, I have a chance to stay sober a day at a time. But I have to come to depend on a power greater than myself, because I can’t do this alone. I’ve seen what has happened to others and don’t want to go there. The group and the God of my understanding are my higher power. I need them and I need to listen to the solution, as often as I possibly can.
Anyway, I was thinking about this today.