Nobody told me that this program would be easy. Quite the opposite. My sponsor said that to me early on.
There was going to be a lot I had to do in order to stay sober. The first things were all the surrender and acceptance I had to face. Not just with the alcohol, but many other things. One of the main ones was having to put my wants aside and place my sobriety in first place. Always.
My ego definitely had to be deflated. It was too large for this program. Thinking about myself all the time had to be replaced in favor of a higher power. Self reliance was not an asset I found out. I had to find a God of my understanding and learn to depend on Him. I had to stop trying to control all the situations in my life. I was no longer the director. Not easy to swallow.
All this was not easy, but it was to be made a whole lot easier, when I finally was able to start putting these Twelve Steps into action. Through their application, what I didn’t want to do I found to be an illusion of my own making. They gave me the beginning of a faith that works. And then there was the gift of the spiritual awakening, which helped to open my mind and my heart.
None of this was easy for a long time. Even today, when my character defects erupt and start to take over, I find that struggle within to once again to surrender and accept. However, it’s not all that difficult, if I avail myself of the resources which I have been given. The members of AA, whom I found are always ready, willing, and able to support me. If I will ask my higher power for help. If I will open myself to the grace, which comes, when I’m willing to do God’s will and not mine.
If, on any given day, I will allow myself to think about the program and meditate on what I’ve learned, my day goes so much more easily. If, when I run into some problem, which aggravates me no end, I will stop and start my day over I find I can cope with anything.
All this might sound complicated to someone, who doesn’t know what this program is about, but it is truly basically simple. At least that’s what I found.
After the meeting today, which touched on some of this, I came home and thought about this. And I do this because I want to stay sober more than anything else in my life. Sober makes me happy and grateful for what I found in this program. And, in the end, it really isn’t all that hard.