Aren’t we something else? I mean the alcoholic. Prone to so many things, which without our knowing it might just take us back out. One of these I know is our tendency to get on emotional binges.
Anger, resentment, self pity, and a host of other things can take us there. Particularly anger and resentment. One of the old timers once told me that those two might not show up as anger and resentment. Something within me might just allow me to tell myself I’m not angry or resentful, but I am. I may be already on that track, when I discover that’s what’s going on. But by that time I may already be over the edge with it.
We were talking about this today at the meeting. Mainly about self pity. But, as one man said, feeling sorry for oneself, because I didn’t get my way, may be the very thing that will fire up my anger.
A number of responses were right on target today. One was the Third Step prayer. “Relieve me of the bondage of self”. That’s the key, isn’t it? It’s all about me. It has nothing to do with what I’m here for. To stay sober and to do God’s will for me. To be of service to others. To be dependent on a higher power instead of going it alone. All this and more.
If I really want to stay sober, I must pay attention to these things. Not that I fear I’m about to go out and take a drink. I’m not. But lack of awareness can trip me up and lead me back down that insane path I was once on before.
Of course, talking it over with another alcoholic is to me a form of prayer. Asking for the help I need. I am well aware that this stuff is always available to me. At anytime I know I can stumble and fall over my character defects. They’re always present. But if I’m not ignoring them and know they are there, I can better arm myself before they have a chance to take over. And if they do, I know what I have to do. Pick up the phone and call someone. Ask God for help. And go to a meeting. I’m much better off, when I’m in the midst of my fellow alcoholics, who are there for the same thing I am. Looking for the solution.
Anyway, I was thinking about this after the meeting today.