Lots of thoughts today, all having to do with staying sober. After all that’s why I’m here. I’m an alcoholic and pray that I will never drink again. Ever. And the thoughts today had to do with relationships or people, places, and things. And the other was on responsibility.
Actually I found both subjects brief. I was told as far as relationships go never to discuss them in a meeting. We’re a group of alcoholics, I was told. What do alcoholics know about relationships? If someone needs an answer to a relationship problem, I was told, refer them to a person outside the meeting, who deals with this kind of thing. My sponsor and those old timers and even the people today will tell us we know nothing. Our experiences in relationships has been awful to say the least. At the very best most of us are still working on relationships. Those that were left, when we recovered from drinking alcohol.
Personally, when I look back at my relationships and how many I destroyed, the harms done, it’s a wonder that I have any. Except thank my Higher Power and all those old timers, who helped me change and restored me to sanity so that I could repair what I could and develop new relationships. But advice? Not from me. I can share what happened and what I have done since I came through these doors and say that what happened since I got sober that it’s amazing. But taking credit? I don’t think so. No matter how long I’ve been sober I have to work on these each and every day.
And that brings up the second subject: responsibility. I remember my sponsor telling me that I was not responsible for coming here and getting sober. But now that I’m here I am responsible for staying sober. That simple. Everything I do plays into that. So, if I think I’m responsible for something, like a person today, who wanted to discuss going to night school and being responsible, that’s all well and good. But basically it gets back to what I was told about being responsible for staying sober. Everything else comes under that. If I stay sober anything else I pick up along the line and accept responsibility for is hardly as large as that. My greatest responsibility. Sobriety.
Whatever extra I think I want to take responsibility for is just that. Extra. Additional. I have the option to quit whatever I assumed responsibility for. That’s my choice. But sobriety? No. I will always be responsible for doing what is necessary to maintain my sobriety. That is if I want to live.
I know for me to drink is to die. I have a disease, which is incurable and fatal to say the least. So, I’m dedicated to do what I can to stay sober and that’s what I do each day I get up. It’s always just for today. And I know that I cannot stay sober by myself. So part of that is exactly what I did today. I went to a meeting, as I always try to do each day. Makes this alcoholic grateful that I can.