Something has been bugging my mind these past few days. That thought is the “we not me”. Every once in a while over time this comes into my consciousness. It goes back to early on in this program for me. Something my sponsor said to me. And not just him, but those old timers.
I can’t stay sober by myself. That’s almost exactly what my sponsor told me. He was talking about a man, who didn’t drink but didn’t go to meetings. He told me that there was no right way or wrong way to stay sober, but he wasn’t going to take the risk to go it alone. I said “amen” to that. Me either. I have seen too many of the results of not going to meetings and trying to go it alone. Too many relapses and deaths from drinking. I didn’t come here for that.
I came here to get sober and stay sober. Like I said, I found I cannot do this alone. I had to find a way to get out of myself and begin to share my sobriety with others. To go to meetings, get an open mind and an open heart and listen. Also, as I learned in the beginning, to do what others had done before me. To read and study the BB and the rest of the literature and to put these Twelve Steps into action. To open myself, my mind and my heart, to begin to live a spiritual way of life. To begin to practice these principles in all of my affairs and share it with other alcoholics who are still suffering. Exactly what others did and what others continue to do together. That’s why I go to meetings.
In the beginning I tried to do things on my own. I wasn’t drinking, but I was rebellious and miserable. I thought I knew everything and tried to get myself to believe that the group didn’t know what they were talking about. Thankfully the old timers were tolerant and understanding of a crazy drunk like myself. They reached out to me and took me on Twelfth Step calls almost everyday. No preaching or teaching. Just being able to witness others like myself in total pain and misery. They were trying to help them. And eventually that began to hit me right between my eyes.
I began to listen and learned that what I knew or thought I knew was of no use in staying sober. It had done nothing for me to help me stop drinking and staying sober and I was to learn how to leave it all out of these rooms. To come into them with an open mind and begin to listen and learn what everyone else had to learn. I found I didn’t know or have a clue how to live life. I was told that was what sponsors were for. They were there to help me learn, to listen to me and my problems and struggles, to guide me along this path, and to support me and help me get honest and to stay out of trouble. At least that’s what my sponsor did in part. I came to learn that I was not going to be able to put things over on him. He was willing to help me and guide me, but was not going to tolerate my insanity and my rebelliousness. My dishonesty. I am truly grateful for that man and those like him.
As I sit here and think about all of this, it is clear to me what our founders meant about becoming part of the “we” in here. That First Step states that clearly. “We” not “me” admitted “we” were powerless over alcohol. If I could have done that myself I wouldn’t be here. I couldn’t and that is exactly what I needed to learn. I have too big of an ego. I’m too much into myself. Self centered to the extreme. It was in pain and suffering, my bottom, which brought me down to my knees and helped me to surrender. I became willing to accept my being powerless and join with all those in this program and begin to follow the path laid out for me in the BB.
I still go to meetings regularly, because I need to be reminded of things I often tend to forget. I need to get together with others like myself, who have struggled with alcohol. They, like me, have a disease for which there is no cure. Alcoholism. And I know from experience that together we all can stay sober. Together “we” can change and become what our Higher Power wants us to be. Sober, kind, caring, helpful alcoholics, willing to help others. And together, individually peaceful and happy, free, serene. What the Ninth Step promises. And, of course, grateful for what we have.