A question I have to ask myself almost everyday is just how grateful am I? That came up in the meeting today, when we talked about gratitude. Good question for someone like me.
As I sat there and listened I went back over all the reasons I have to be grateful. If the truth were to be known, the list would be endless. However the main reason overshadows everything else. My sobriety is what dominates everything else. Without it I would have nothing else. Not even my life.
After the meeting a group of us were out talking and one of the things, which came up, was do any of us remember exactly when we stopped thinking about a drink? Most of them had a vague memory or none at all, when that happened. However I do remember. It is so clear in my mind I can never forget. Nor do I want to. That was the beginning of my being sober.
For me I have nothing but gratitude for not only being sober, but just being an alcoholic in itself. Another man and I sitting there talked about how fortunate we were to be alcoholics. It was just that , which opened the door to this program and this new way of life for us. Just a quick overview of our lives today is enough to make us grateful.
The next question is what do I do to express my gratitude? Of course the Twelfth Step is so obvious, that I be willing to carry the message to the alcoholic, who still suffers. I know I have over time in this program. I also know that I’m still willing to freely give what was so freely given to me. The old paradox that we have to give this program away to keep it.
But it is more than just that. Part of it is being willing to practice these principles in all of our affairs. Being willing to learn to get along with others. I mention that because it came up in our conversation after and also during the meeting. How difficult that was for all of us, because of our self centered thinking. A impractical demand on our part that we wanted others to do for us whatever it is we wanted. And how we resented others who wouldn’t do that. It was a difficult learning process to reverse that trend within us. To stop looking for others to do for us what we wanted and to reach out and do for others what we are able to do.
I know that’s one of the reasons I go to meetings so often. I go there to share with others and to hopefully set the example that this program works. That if it can work for me it will for anyone, who really wants it. And wherever possible to support them in their efforts to accomplish this.
It also helps me to define my gratitude. To me gratitude is not a feeling so much as it is an action word. I know if I were to depend on my feelings that gratitude might not come to mind. But just the fact that I am aware that I must be prepared to extend the hand of this program to others helps me do what it is I know I should to express my gratitude.
Anyway, when I got home, I knew that I needed to sit down and think about gratitude. I try to remember each evening and morning to express my gratitude to my Higher Power for all He has done for me. I also know I have to thank all those old timers I knew back when I got sober. Especially my sponsor and all the friends I made back then, many of whom are still in my life. Then I have to look around and thank all those in these rooms, who continue to reach out and support me in my staying sober. Of course there are probably many more I may have forgotten and need to thank along the way of my living this wonderful way of life.
Just thinking about sobriety.