Again, as one friend reminded me, it’s all about me. The self centered thinking we alcoholics have pursues us throughout our sobriety. It’s one of the reasons we have to practice these principles in all of our affairs. The need for this spiritual way of life and surrender to a Power greater than ourselves.
It was interesting today to listen to a relatively new person talking about his “favorite” subject, the Eighth and Ninth Step. If anything attracts the attention of “new” people it’s these two. Why? Because they either feel guilty and want to correct things and get people off their back or they have some they want to get back into action in their lives. Old girl friends or boy friends. I can hear my old sponsor and some of those old timers I knew back then responding to this kind of stuff. It’s still about “me”.
I know from experience that rushing to “fix” relationships I have damaged doesn’t work. It’s one thing to do an immediate family apology, when we come in. Like the wife/husband, children thing. It’s another to go outside the home, when we haven’t even demonstrated over time that we really mean to stay sober and never drink again. The best we can do, especially early on is demonstrate through our actions.
I remember how I was told that I had to have enough time in this program to convince people in my life that I was serious and sincere about what I was doing here. Then at least I would have enough evidence to proceed to go them to make amends because they could have some belief that I wasn’t just doing the same thing I had always done. Say that I was sorry for what I had done and then get drunk the next and do the same thing over and over and over again. Most people had already gone through this with us. Including our families.
I know for myself that my sponsors told me who I needed to make amends to, the ones I needed to avoid, and the timing necessary in order to accomplish these. I can remember it really took almost twenty-five years to make amends to my ex wife. Even after some time in here I remember calling an old employer of mine and having him literally hang up on me. That’s when my sponsor explained to me that even though I never had a chance that I had actually made an amend. It was because of my intentions. I meant to make amends to him regardless.
When I look at the sign over the door to our meeting that time takes time it reminds me that I don’t need to do these Steps overnight. If I really mean to get sober and stay sober I will be here the rest of my life. Doesn’t mean to stall, but it does mean that I have all the time in the world to do them. In fact no matter how we may strive to do them efficiently in time we will never do them perfectly. There will always be things left over from all of them…except, as Bill W. pointed out, the First Step. That is the only one we will ever do perfectly. The rest, no way. Time and experience has proved that to me.
However I need to get me out of the way in order to see what’s right in front of me. The next Step. One step at a time. My wants and desires, my worries and anxieties have no place in what I’m doing. By putting that Second Step into action, that is adapting to a spiritual way of life, I can begin to depend on my Higher Power to do for me what I cannot do for myself everyday I stay sober. If I begin to practice these spiritual principles, pray and ask for help and begin to trust, my life will change and I will start to think of others and not of myself. Then, when I finally begin to make amends I will be doing it for the right reasons. And that’s what works and what helped restore me to sanity.
Anyway that’s what we talked about today.