What a great conversation with a friend of mine today, as we talked about our relationships, especially with others like ourselves. He said that he had a difficult time thinking about the word “love”, when it came to helping another alcoholic. His thought was that “compassion” was more like what he was doing for someone else.
Of course compassion is a form of love, but it’s more of a sharing of the hand of help to alleviate the suffering of someone else. I know that when I’m called upon to help someone else I know that I can get confused with that term “love”. Compassion seems to describe what I desire to bring to the table. To me it’s a recognition of what I know someone is going through.
I know that each and every day there is someone, who has a problem I can easily see and know what’s going on with them. When I can see what it is and recognize it from my own experience, like drinking and the suffering they’re going through, it is much easier to make that connection. I can look at them and say “that was me”. It makes a relationship so much easier for this alcoholic. I’m almost able to reach out and touch them within, because I’ve lived that problem and found the solution I know they need.
And that’s what the Twelfth Step is to me. Having the experience, strength, and hope we suffering alcoholics need. I can remember way back, before the hand of help became a public kind of organization, like rehabs and detoxes, the only help available was from AA itself. The phone calls to our centers were sometimes almost overwhelming. People like myself had all the Twelfth Step calls we could handle at the time. Love or compassion wasn’t necessarily present, because not only were we flooded, but I really wasn’t versed in what I was supposed to be doing. But it was a learning experience for me. Over time I became able to get out of myself and my self centered nature and reach out to people, who needed help.
I know that, when I go to meetings today, I’m often going to have a chance to see someone new or coming back, who may be desperate enough to want the help this program has to offer them. And depending on how desperate I am to receive from them the grace I need in my own life, I can reach my hand out to possibly lift them up from their suffering. Just as those old timers did to me back when I came in.
I have to think about that, because I’m always amazed how much help I receive from the opportunity to help another alcoholic like myself. I know I often think about the fact that I may never help them, but I am definitely helped. A two way street I often think. And it always fills me with gratitude to have had the chance to be exposed to such a gift as a Twelfth Step call. Definitely for me a gift from my Higher Power.
Anyway, after our talk I had to sit and think about that word “compassion”. Sure describes to me what it is I’m given, when I have the opportunity to help another alcoholic, whether new or been sober a while in this program. The suffering alcoholic can be the new person or an alcoholic like myself, who has some time in the program. There are times when we all can use the gift of compassion in our lives. To me it’s part and parcel of my being sober and just grateful for the opportunities I have been given.