I was reminded by a friend of something an old timer told me years ago. I really had to sit and think and talk about it. He told me the day he put me on a plane to come up to my hometown after my father had died. What he said was that I was not to let others lean on me, but to let them lean on my program.
I remember thinking about that all the way up here. And, thanks to my Higher Power, it worked. What I did was to do what I always hope I do. To start my day off with thoughts of staying sober that day. To remember that’s why I’m here. To stay sober. And the truth is that the only reason I was able to come up here was because I was sober. So, that’s what I did, besides praying. I listened to people, but let my sobriety be in charge.
It’s amazing what my alcoholic ego can do to me. I was talking to a couple of people today about this very thing. How we can let others invade our minds and our feelings with guilt and sympathy. Self pity. I can take on the troubles and suffering of others. I can take on the guilt of what’s going on and end up miserable, in anger, and resentments. Worry, fear, anxiety, and guilt again. That’s because something inside of me is telling me that I’m in control and need to figure out how to change things for others.
I was reminded of something my old sponsor’s widow, who had a little less than sixty years sobriety, when she told a friend of mine that she said the Serenity Prayer about a hundred times a day. And what is that all about? About how powerless we really are over people, places, and things. How to let go and let our Higher Power do for us what we can’t do for ourselves. To come to experience serenity and not guilt and all those other feelings and emotions. Not to let others lean on us, but on our program.
I need to remember that, when I feel the pressure of taking on the responsibility of others, who are leaning on me. Making me feel guilty and not serene. To once again remember to have hope, faith, and love in my life by relying on my Higher Power. To renew my commitment to live a spiritual way of life I have learned in here, when I got sober.
Anyway these talks were a reminder to me that I need to stop and think about why I am here. I’m here to stay sober and to live a new way of life that I have come to know through this program. To be grateful for what I have been given by my Higher Power and all those old timers and the others who have helped me in this program.